Before giving birth to their new baby, most parents aren’t quite prepared for all of the feelings that they assume will come with it. One of the biggest ones? The feeling of isolation.
Couple that with the craziness that is the pandemic life we are living right now, and new parents are finding they are up against a whole other challenge:
How can you get postpartum support (and healthy social connections) in a time like this??
As a postpartum doula AND as a mama to two (most recently less than two years ago), I’ve experienced this with and without a pandemic – and each one has their own challenges.
To help in all of the situations, here are my top 7 tips for thriving in postpartum when social distancing is a must (ie) pandemic):
#1: Prepare yourself – and your expectations: By this point, WE KNOW that we are in the middle of a pandemic and that our access isn’t quite what it would be normally. We know that it may not be feasible to have our mom come and stay for a few days or a week after baby arrives to be an “extra set of hands”. And as we’ve likely gotten really good at adjusting these types of expectations, we must, most importantly, extend that to ourselves. Offer up some extra grace to yourself, knowing that postpartum in these times can be extra challenging, and you can’t expect that it will be like a previous postpartum or the postpartum experience of your friends & family. Knowing this, planning for the struggles before they creep up can be a MAJOR headache saver.
#2: Hire help or delegate: Whether it is housework help, a shopping service, or even help with the never-ending laundry, delegating those tasks to someone else can do wonders to free up your energy and much-needed resting time. There are many professional services that are operating safely during this time, as well as friends and family that could easily drop groceries off at your doorstep or even pick up laundry from you.
#3: Know your support people ahead of time: It can truly “take a village” to get on your feet again during the postpartum period. By taking some time beforehand to assemble your superstar postpartum team, you ensure that you won’t have to make this journey alone. Your key players should know the type of support you need and desire, will have your best interest in mind, and overall, be there at your side to love, support, and nurture you. Some key folks to keep in mind include your birthing providers (midwife, ob/gyn, pediatrician, doula, lactation consultant), family and friends (especially those friends who are parents already – these can be key emotional support peeps, as they have been there, done that!), and of course, a postpartum doula. Even when in-home visits aren’t feasible, you can receive virtual support from all of these folks, helping you to feel supported AND connected. *Learn more about virtual postpartum support HERE.
#4: Talk to someone every single day: No pressure here, but honestly, your emotional and mental wellness will get so much love and support from hearing someone else’s voice caring for you – and having someone to listen to YOU. Whether it is a friend, family member, or your postpartum doula, make it a goal to have one voice interaction each day – even if it is some voice messages back and forth. I LOVE using the Voxer app to send voice messages back and forth with my postpartum clients – it is perfect for those times when you want to do a quick check in, have a question, or simply just can’t manage a phone call.
#5: Feel all of the feels: Life can be a beautiful ride – and postpartum life can be a simultaneous beautiful ride AND rollercoaster. That is perfectly normal – and perfectly okay. Some days will be euphoric and blissful, while other days might have moments of overwhelm, sadness, loneliness, and tears. Lean into them, feel them with all the feeling you can, embrace them, and then take the next step forward. Perhaps that is a check-in with your key support person or making arrangements to get extra R & R time – whatever it is, make sure you are putting your needs front and center while working through those feelings.
#6: Prepare food/snacks ahead of time: If you have been blessed with some extra time or energy during your third trimester, cook up some double batches of meals (one for now, one for the freezer) to help stock up on nourishing meals for when baby arrives. Know what snacks will keep you nourished while YOU are nourishing your little one and recovery, and have them on hand and easy to grab. And finally, there is no shame in asking for food support when folks ask you what baby needs. You don’t need hundreds of onesies, regardless of what people tell you. Instead, offer for them to help with your postpartum meal roster. MealTrain is a free site that takes care of the organizing for you. You (or your designee) simply choose the days/meals you are looking for support with and friends and family can sign up to help at their convenience. You can even specify dietary preferences and takeout requests.
#7: Push aside the pressure to live pre-baby life: We are honestly our biggest critics and usually set the highest expectations on ourselves. Even when businesses are operating as normal and masks aren’t an everyday necessity, it is important to remind ourselves that the pressure to jump back into our pre-baby lifestyle can go buh-bye. Your life has a different flow now, and that is perfectly fine. Not to say you won’t be able to go do the things you enjoyed doing before, but the PRESSURE to conform to that lifestyle is a pressure that does not serve you at this time. Give yourself the greatest of grace as you settle into your new role as a parent and spend time recuperating and connecting with your little one. That is truly all you need to do.
Even in times social distancing, it IS still possible to thrive in postpartum. Planning, putting your physical/emotional/mental needs first, and preparing for support can be game-changers for your peace of mind and recovery.
Despite popular belief these days, you CAN still be safely socially connected – it just takes a bit of planning and creativity.
If you are planning on setting up a baby registry in preparation for your baby’s arrival, be sure to check out Be Her Village for an option that is PERFECT in planning for the support you will need postpartum. It is an online registry that allows you to register for the services and support that you really need, like a postpartum doula (like me), nourishing meals, a visit from a lactation consultant, a clean house, and more!
I know that this time can be exciting, scary, and overwhelming, all at the same time. If you are working through some of these feelings, in the process of planning your postpartum, or even if you are already postpartum, I’d love to chat with you. Contact me to grab one of my free 30 minute discovery calls to lean into immediate answers to your questions, as well as find out how I can support you further.
